Everything Is Serious and Everything Is Funny

Remembering my father-in-law, Peter Miller + "Nobody Loves You More" (Kim Deal cover)

Peter Miller, AKA Pedrobot, Susie’s beloved father and my father-in-law, and Spencer and Sammy’s zayde, died last Saturday. Susie asked me to say a few words about him at his funeral, so I told this story.

Here’s a story that’s been retold by me more than any other when I’ve reached for a quick anecdote to convey what my beloved father-in-law Peter Miller is/was really like. It’s the kind of recollection you reach for when you desperately want to paint a true picture of a person. But it’s also an effort to capture a character that exists in your mind so fully alive, vivid, and rich in detail that there’s hardly a CliffNotes version one could focus on.

This happened at our first meeting. Susie and I had been seeing each other for a little while and I assume she had come to the conclusion that things were getting serious enough to introduce me to her father. I can’t remember exactly which Skokie dining establishment we went to. But I know it was beloved by Jews of a certain age. And I know we were seated at a round table with a few other members of the extended Miller family. I was seated next to Peter on his right side.

Being even shyer then than I am now, I had kept pretty mum throughout the meal. I thought I was possibly in the process of failing some test. Dinner winding down… Dessert being discussed… Peter turns to me and speaks the first words he would ever direct specifically at me. With a deep stentorian baritone, he poses a question. Very serious. In the tone one would take when asking a question about where one stands on school bussing or deficit spending. A tone reserved for only topics of the gravest concern. He says:

“Do you like fudge, Jeff?”

To which I replied, “No one has ever asked me that quite like that before. I do. I do like fudge.”

By the time I was finished with my feeble response, the table had erupted in laughter and groans from Susie. Peter looked confused for a second and then joined in with the warmest, most joyful laughter. You could roast marshmallows off the heat of his heart.

He had no idea what was funny about his question. Fudge is serious. It’s important to know where this guy’s allegiance lies in regard to ice cream toppings. But once the table had weighed in with mirth, he got it. He always got the joke. But when the laughter died down, fudge was still serious. It really is. He could laugh at himself, but it didn’t change the fact that fudge should not be taken for granted. He was exactly that his whole life. Even in his last days, he answered the question, “How are you?” with “Never Better!”

Everything is serious and everything is funny. Peter knew that more than anyone I’ve ever met. Whether you believe in heaven or not, Peter is the kind of guy you’d invent one for. And you know there’s fudge in heaven. Without a doubt.

Everything is serious. Everything is funny.

P.S. My brother-in-law Danny wrote a beautiful eulogy for Peter, which does a great job summarizing the periods of Peter’s life and his many deep relationships. You can read it here.

This Week in Wilco, Etc.

1994 / November 21: 30 years ago this week, the band plays their first-ever gig under the name Wilco at 7^th Street Entry in Minneapolis, MN.

2023 / November 21: Jeff is interviewed by Guy Raz on the podcast The Great Creators. 

2020 / November 24: On The Tweedy Show #124, Jeff plays “White Wooden Cross” and “Quiet Amplifier” among other songs and improvises an instrumental, “Name Drop Dylan.”

A Robin or a Wren (for Peter)

Sammy, Spencer and I sang this song for Peter.

Nobody Loves You More (Kim Deal cover)

And here’s one of the most touching and beautiful songs I think I’ve ever heard and my attempt to sing it. From Kim Deal’s new record.