Remember the advice column I told you about last month? From time to time, I'm gonna dig through the Starship Casual mailbox (aka the comments below), find clients who are soliciting advice, and do my best to steer said clients in a positive direction. And then I’ll go ask my wife Susie what she thinks. Thus, guaranteed genuine quality sage advice will be imparted.
Here's your first chance to ask a Q and get both of our takes. Comment below and make sure you're subscribed. Paying customers will get preferential treatment.
Also, this would be a good time to let the captain know how you're enjoying your flight. Let me know what you like and don't like and what detours you might enjoy taking as we press forward into the unknown. I'll take it all back to the Galactic Council for further scrutiny and consideration.
Whoa! Hi everyone. That's a lot of Qs. I forgot to mention that it might be a while before I get my thoughts together in response. And it's unlikely that I'm going to be able to adequately address all worthy queries. So please feel free to talk amongst yourselves. I can say, based on some first-hand experience with some of you personally — compounded by the laws of transitive properties (along with pinch of good old-fashioned optimism) — that you all are a bunch of smart and thoughtful sweethearts. I figure there's a ton of untapped great advice waiting for a call to action. I'd hate to think something helpful might go unsaid whilst waiting around for the captain (who's quite honestly a bit of an overgrown child and more than a touch sheltered) to chime in. Please say what you have to say. Thank you OxO
I have a 16 year old kid who’s introduction to pot this summer has now morphed into self medicating for anxiety, depression, boredom. With your history of addiction and the prevalence of substance use/abuse in the music industry, what have you told your boys about substance use? Susie how did you approach it? Thank you and all your family for The Tweedy Show-it is/was a bright hour in the long days of COVID!
Not there just yet, but I fear it as well with my kids, especially in these strange times. My gut tells me maybe the focus should be on the root cause of the drug use, not just the drug use. What can you do to focus on the anxiety, depression and boredom? Focus on the root cause of the problem may help offset the substances. Perhaps start with a licensed therapist (LCSW or psychologist) for talk therapy to start with a non pharmacological approach first, and see a psychiatrist if it’s deemed necessary for prescribing an anxiolytic and/or an antidepressant. Mental Health is paramount to a growing healthy teen (and everyone else) but teens have a lot of pressures too. Hope this helps.
Hey Jeff --- when we met on Ethan Hawke's movie set at the Chelsea Hotel in NYC back in December 1999, you asked me whether or not to wear the denim jacket you showed up with, or to go with the Elvis '68 Comeback Special black leather jacket. I told you to go Elvis. But when we shot the scene in the bar that night you wore the DENIM jacket!!! Why?
Really -- I had messed up the entire encounter. This was literally the first day of the first movie I had ever worked on. And Wilco were my favourite band. I got to hang with them all: Jeff, Jay, John, and Ken. After setting up their instruments I interrupted a conversation Jeff was having with a guy and asked him to play "Red Eyed and Blue". After obliging for about 10 seconds Jeff politely informed me that he couldn't play it because he was sitting with Robert Sean Leonard and was teaching him "The Lonely 1" for the MOVIE!
I've loved being a passenger on this mystical, casual starship. Thanks for the music and fun stories to brighten days. This leads me to my question: how do you avoid slipping into hopelessness/despair about the future these days? I have a 4.5 year old and a 3 month old. I look around at the state of things now, and where humanity and the environment are headed; and then I see the everyday horrors of school shootings; mistreatment of minorities, refugees, women, you name it; atrocities world wide; etc. and combine it all with so many people being unwilling to even do common sense things that help themselves and everyone...like get vaccinated; and I feel my conviction that things are headed (slowly, painfully) for better days start to rumble on an ever shakier foundation. I've never had much faith in people, but between feeling so helpless to do much about these problems, and feeling complicit in so much of it as a white American male, and feeling for the first time a real sense of dread that the future may darker than the past....how can one stay positive and optimistic in raising kids for their/our future and in looking ahead at my own prospects?
Hi Jeff and Susie. Long time listener, first time caller.
Trying to get out of a rut of cooking the same 4 or 5 things every week. Do you have either a favorite dish to prepare, or eat, or any cookbook recommendations?
How many times can I ask about a new Loose Fur album before I get banned from this flight? Alternately, how are you all managing the incredible lag time in getting vinyl produced and how can a small band and/or label even exist in this weird world?
Captain, I think we should keep David on board, he's pretty cool. But he forgot to ask about a Wilco 'Fundamentals' album I think so I'm jumping in here to request one ;-)
I asked both Glenn and Jeff this question in separate interviews. They both said that the music for the 3rd Loose Fur album is in the can - it just needs lyrics/vocals. How likely that is….who knows.
Captain, thanks for checking in. I'm really enjoying the trip so far. What's your advice for healthy, positive fan interactions? How might one best express their gratitude for a creator's art or craft without sounding like an idiot or overstepping social bounds. Given your interactions with your fans, does it temper how you might interact with one of your idols?
I would like to know that too! I am quite sure that my letters I sent to Boxful of Letters made me sound absolutely loony! Everyone is probably like “keep me away from that chick”? I assure you, I am a fairly normal gal but with a shit ton of baggage, still looking for my “Wilco boyfriend “ (not a member of the band, duh!), uses a bunch of bad humor to get me through the day… what kinds of questions do you hate?
As someone who still deals with anxiety and depression, I'd like to ask Jeff how he's been doing with his own demons. What's been his key to keeping them at bay? Meditation? Therapy? Meds? I've found it's almost a daily struggle.
Breathing. I like to lay in the grass and invite the whole beautiful night sky right into my chest. That works for me. Hope you find things that work for you.
❤️ Finding movement, medication and therapy that worked for me was a life changer. It still creeps up on me though. I find the skills that mindfulness or meditation practices teach have been a big help too. I get some distance from my thoughts and am able to catch myself before I fall into an anxiety spiral. It’s been a ten year journey to get to this point and it’s been worth all of the hard work.
This is my way: Long walks, preferably in a natural setting such as the country, a park, away from traffic and noise. Daily. No less than 1/2 an hour. Do it even when you don't want to. If you can make it the same time every day, it becomes routine, like brushing your teeth, but more enjoyable! Optional: Get a dog or borrow one to go with you. 🐶 Jeff does seem to go hiking a lot so this might be part of his motivation, don't know. Good luck. (if you're lonely and don't like nature so much, walk where others are walking, where people look happy and are friendly, such as a beach, (if you have one) or a downtown street . . . but never a mall!)
Tony I found great relief in breathing exercises - real simple, expand your whole chest, starting in the lower area then feel the upper chest expand. Hold for just a second or two. Then blow it out fast. Do this 3-4 times in a row. It Always helps me!! Just a suggestion from someone who has suffered lots and found a simple natural solution.
Any advice for new parents? (“Figure it out as you go…” has already been lent.) Y’all seemed to have raised two well-adjusted and pleasant humans, so I’d love to hear some advice on the subject. 👍🏼
I was in a rehab once and dreamt I was at a music festival- I was really struggling and detoxing (in my waking life & in the dream.) I saw you and your wife (didn't know what she looked like or anything about her then, but I've been married for 35 years and was so happy to see you together.) I was looking at you both from far away and you turned around and smiled. It filled me up with hope. I woke up and the worst of the detox symptoms were gone. So thanks for that. Love this Ship and everything about it. Hope you and Susie are enjoying this as much as we are. 😌🎶💜🙏✌
Why is Susie so insistent in not showing her face on the Tweedy show ? Don't get jealous but she is the quite the looker - my deceased wife god rest her soul was also very conscious of her looks but she was very beautiful to my eyes .
The Concorde has nothing on the Starship Casual as far as I’m concerned!
My question: my teen boy, my only child, will be leaving the nest next year. What will I miss about having him around? What do I need to soak in right now before he launches into adulthood? I know he’ll likely be back, but I bet it won’t be the same.
My daughter will be leaving next year, too. I am trying not to panic at the thought, but I'm pretty bad at not panicking. I have the same questions as JackfruitBrisket, and I'd also like to know how I'm supposed to get through this transition without becoming totally dehydrated from crying.
As a mom who’s been there (my oldest will become a college graduate in May!) I can share that if you have the good fortune to watch as your kids thrive and soar as they begin their independent lives, that will make this bittersweet milestone more sweet and less bitter. It’s pretty awesome, as well, to hear about their totally separate lives- everything they’ll share will be new to you as you won’t be living it alongside of them. It really will be okay, and probably better than okay. But I completely get how you’re feeling and will likely feel it all over again when my “baby” leaves in 6 years.
I love this so much, even if it did make me tear up! Thank you, Rachel. I remember this being a very exciting time in my life and it will be fun to relive that peripherally through him.
Jeff and Susie are lucky that their sons hang at home...but the day comes when they are totally out of there, only to visit on occasion. Our son is 31...and we see him, but he doesn't live here anymore. At all. Sometimes it makes us "hate it here." But, I wonder what the Tweedys think about those inevitable days? It is exciting to see your kids off on their own...and also terribly sad. BUT, you get to go see bands whenever you want??!?!
I would love to have mine hang around like S&S do. That’s some parenting goals right there, that these young adults seem to enjoy spending time with their folks yet are launched and living grownup lives.
jackfruitbrisket, been through it recently with both boys… no genius insight here, but between now the date of departure try to lean in to theose things that have provided the deep, meaningful connections between you. For me what I miss most is the everyday, the commonplace… finally, try to frame the separation as an additive experience - you’ll both have new experiences that add to your conversation and relationship, not as a replacement to what you’ve shared but new touchstones for the future.
This is lovely, Greg - thank you for taking the time to put it down. We have been connecting over music lately and I’ll lean into that. It’s so odd to think this time next year I won’t be tripping over his ginormous shoes left everywhere.
My wife is pushing for what she terms “guitar parity,” wherein if I want a new guitar I have to get rid of one from my collection. I am vehemently opposed to this guitar parity concept and deem it ridiculous. That said, I’m thinking of selling my Gretsch as I have my eye on a different Gretsch. An interpersonal minefield is what it is.
SECONDED. Also..... on a scale of "full transparency" to "oh, where did that come from?" how honest do you have to be about the number of guitars/instruments one owns?
I absolutely LOVE rememories. Since we're near the same age and grew up in the same neck of the woods, lots of the things you remember are right in my wheelhouse.
Thank you so much for doing this- I know you're a pretty busy guy, but know that we're enjoying the cruise!
Hi Jeff & Susie - I'm really enjoying this steady stream of creativity! I'm getting married in 2 weeks and wondering if you can identify anything important to do specifically in the first year of marriage - and maybe offer a memory from your first year of marriage? Paying customer here - thanks!
Jeff, I like all of the posts but especially when you say, This is your captain speaking. Here's my question is: I've seen nearly every Wilco show in the NYC area since 1999. But I was introduced to Wilco through a boyfriend and we have since split up. How do I find a Wilco-loving boyfriend to go to shows with? Going with folks that are just not that into the band kinda sucks. I like to sing, dance, jump up and down and don't want to hold back. Susie, please advise.
I've gotten to the point where if there's a show I want to see and no one I know who is into the band, I go alone. Aspects of it kind of suck, but you can choose your own adventure and get as goofy as you want. Make friends with people up front. Stand where you want to, around who you want to. I'd love a Wilco-loving boyfriend too but it's not going to stop me from having a great experience at a show! Of course if there's a magic solution to finding him (whoever he is), I'd love to know too ;)
Remember we’re all family here. I was lonely too for a while - had no one to go to concerts with. So I went alone. A like minded coworker heard about me liking music and attending concerts and we eventually became concert buddies. It always works - the Universe/God sees you step out bravely and comes to your aid.
Count me in on the going alone gang! I often enjoy those shows more than the ones I go to with someone because I’m not busy thinking about whether the other person is enjoying it.
I know what you mean. I was at the Forest Hills, Queens show during a torrential downpour. If I had brought anyone other than a loyal fan they would have been miserable. I stayed of course and loved every minute of it. Could have done without the drenching but wouldn't have missed the show.
Q: Curious to hear about what's made Susie and your marriage last so long. As someone who is about to get married in Chicago, and as a goy about to marry a Jewish woman, I would love any and all insights.
I'd love some of that sweet, sweet wisdom if you're offering....Should I adopt one cat or two? I'm going on my third catless/petless year and I need to care for something again before all hell breaks lose in my mind. So I'm preparing to adopt again. I'm a 33 year old single dude who lives alone, and all my friends and family say that I will be "that weird cat dude" if I adopt two. I'd like to give a home to two from the same litter if possible. All of these so called "friends" and "family" have me a bit concerned. So, one or two cats?
I'll chime in and also recommend two—they'll be companions for each other and the difference in litter box maintenance is negligible. Two cats does not make one a crazy cat person. I am curious what number makes that so. Five? I live with two and I'm crazy about them!
I always recommend adopting a bonded pair of cats. Maybe even a pair who were surrendered because their owner died or went into a nursing home. The cuteness of seeing two cats snuggling on a cold day will pay dividends.
Strong believer in two! (or more!) But for real, two will keep each other company and especially if they are kittens, being together will often help decrease the crazy kitten shenanigans. Plus you get to rescue two! And clear space for two more spots in the shelter or rescue.
Also-- who cares really if you are called "that weird cat dude", just tell people they are jealous and don't know what they are missing.
Best wishes and can't wait to get a report back on here sometime later on what you decide to name your TWO kitties. :) (in seriousness, if you don't believe me check out Kitten Lady on youtube and why she advocates for adopting two at same time.)
Always get 2! They keep each other company!! The shelter we adopted ours from only adopted them in pairs. I was suspicious at first but they were totally right.
Same. I went from being a dog person, to thinking I may want to try a kitten (in addition to our two dogs) to winding up with two kittens as that’s the only way the rescue would do it. Was not a mistake.
I did have just one for a while — she didn’t like other cats but was quite dependent on my company. After she died I adopted a senior pair and they’re bonded besties!
I would love to hear Susie's take on the current state of the music business. I have heard her talk on this in interviews, and I like her perspective on this topic. Given the success she has enjoyed, and that she oversees the "family business", I'm sure she has a lot to say worth hearing. I found it fascinating that Universal Music just went public, and the listing was a big hit based on streaming potential. What might be good for them might not be good for the artists, however. It seems that there are many "haves" and "have nots", and who better to sort it all out but Susie?
Mine was on Monday. I’m self employed so I did. Until about 8pm when I took a client phone call. I totally meant to take the whole day off but they called to pay me so…😄
Just in case Jeff doesn't get to answer this, may I offer a suggestion? Absolutely lead by example. Practice listening to your kids --- hear them out, solicit their thoughts, make sure you are understanding by checking out what you are hearing and seeing if you are getting it right. Also practice listening to their other parent in front of the kids. This advice also goes for life partners, parents, neighbors, etc. We all want to feel heard and understood, but often we have a hard time being the listeners.
How do you stay back-ache free throughout your long performances and tours? I’m standing in front of the stage for 2+ hours and I’m a wreck for a week afterwards.
My wife & I are having our first kid (girl) any moment now. Advice on getting to a point where we could end up playing music together like the Tweedy’s?
I don't have a question but just wanted to say I love everything about Starship Casual and I'm so grateful for all of the great things you share. I was listening to the Tweedy Show Soundtrack Spotify playlist on shuffle today (thank you Nichole!!) and it kept serving up songs that I remembered so clearly from the Tweedy Show - who sang, what the show was like, etc. There were a lot of tears as I remembered some of the shows that you did during the toughest of times in the spring and summer of 2020 and how we all shared those moments together. I came away feeling comforted after every show. So, thank you so much for the shows and for continuing to take care of us via this blog. I REALLY miss Susie though, so I look forward to seeing some of her responses here!!
Besides frequent touring out of state, what’s the best way for couples to stay together in happy, heathy relationships?! And thrifting together doesn’t count Susie!
No questions. Just wanted to say that the captain is doing a pretty great job at steering this ship. It's helped fill the Tweedy Show-sized hole in my heart and more.
Why is the phrase "guilty pleasure" even a thing? Why should anyone feel guilty about things like they (assuming no harm to others or it's a criminal activity)? The phrase is usually some kind of self-cringe about personal taste, but why should anyone care about what other people think of their taste in music or art or books or anything, really? Do you think this phrase should be banned forever?
When someone admits a 'guilty pleasure', they usually say it with a smile, in a wink-wink, half-joking way. They don't really feel guilty. It's a pretend self-cringe. It says, I know this doesn't fit with who I am, or who you think I should be, but who cares, I love it anyway!
I enjoy the way you say "this is your captain speaking." I loved the red glass object and its story. And it's my dream to run into Susie at Costco someday. Carry on.
Did y'all have a hard time adjusting when Spencer went to college? We just sent our firstborn off and I'm still a little upside-down, even though she's happy and doing great, etc etc.
Also, I'm loving your updates in my inbox, but definitely missing your whole family and those IKEA curtains.
What is your proudest parenting moment? As in, a decision you struggled with or a long-standing parenting act/rule, that had a desired outcome? As the parent of an 11 year old boy, who happens to be a newly minted middle schooler, I can use all the Susie advice (and Jeff of course...he's important, too) I can get! And what is Susie's favorite Wilco song?
Q: This whole marriage caper…… we’ve been at it officially for 44 years officially, and 47 unofficially. I wonder sometimes are we still playing the script out of habit or loyalty or friendship or love………but neither of us have looked further afield throughout our time playing house together. He’s a keeper…. ( eg. he introduced me to the music of this guy called Jeff Tweedy who I’d never heard of before, at a concert in Brisbane a couple of years ago and enriched my life incredibly from that day forth)….definitely a keeper.
Your relationship seems inspirational……the dynamics still dynamic…….how does one do that? What’s the secret sauce?
Re The Starship:
I. Love. Every. Single. Post!
I love that you mix it up between stories and rememories and music and interviews. Travelling on this Starship is a unique experience and I feel oh so happy to be on the ride and quite privileged to be on board. Thank you Captain Jeff 🙏🌿🌟
With so much "Stuff in Your House" how do you go about finding anything? Who loses their keys more? Do you do an annual Spring Clean or Purge? Oh, and Jeff, I'd love a full version of your "Ted Lasso" theme cover. Thanks!!
I loved the part of your book where you described Jay F. claiming you called him a "pussy" regarding some incident involving a girl. You said that word "really isn't in your repertoire".
Are there any other words or phrases that you don't consider in your repertoire?
Dear Captain Jeffy, I am enjoying my flight. I am pleased with the snacks, snippets, and songs. Don't need cosmic advice at this point, but I am eager to read it allllllllllll.
Life Advice Question: Getting through the late 40s? Feedback: Love all of it. Cried listening to the acoustic Camera the other day. So pretty. Can we get more guest stars? Loved having Nils on a while back. Now give the people what they want: a sit down with Pat!
Yeah, I was yet again a victim of auto-correct, not just on Nels but also Kamera. Oh well. I am not the guy who got to hang out with Heidi Klum. Sorry to disappoint.
Captain. It seems to me that as successful as you have been with your music you have been more successful with your home life. This is of course based on small observations but the love and respect comes through as easily as the music when u get a glimpse of you and your family.
I am not a musician but I am a family man with 2 kids and know how hard but also rewarding it can be. People change as do their relationships so it’s important to change with them. Do you and Susie find it is important to find that common ground that originally brought you together as well as find new platforms to explore?
I want my kids to always come home, honestly never leave. Other than being a rock star what keeps your kids coming home?
Going to get lost in the mass of responses I'm sure but I'm very curious to hear your take on this: How important is stage banter to the success of a rock show? I think it's essential an artist engage with an audience between songs as well as performing them. If I go to show and an artist doesn't acknowledge the crowd in some capacity between songs then I'm left with the feeling that that show could have been performed at any venue in the world. Seeking your opinion because you're particularly adept at addressing thousands of people as if it were just 4 or 5 of his hanging in your living room.
When the pandemic first hit, I was an “essential worker” and my coping mechanism was songwriting. Especially after John Prine died, I felt like I desperately needed this outlet to make sense of an increasingly nonsensical world. So I wrote a ton…
Cut forward to a little over a year later…bars and clubs were reopening and I had the idea that I wanted to share a couple of songs at an open mic. I approached the owner of one of my favorite small venues that happened to host a sort of open mic format and asked him if I could play. He enthusiastically said yes and I practiced for the night.
The problem was, I woefully underestimated the condition of my guitar. I was ready. It was not. My performance was disastrous. Try as I might, my guitar would not stay in tune and my confidence plummeted.
I’ve since been back to said bar but I can’t help think about that terrible letdown of a night every time I walk in. And though I still write songs, it’s been harder to connect to the process like I did before. It felt like I tarnished something personal and pure.
So my question to you and please go ask Susie too, is how do I move forward? I’ve since gotten my guitar fixed and it sounds beautiful, but do I dare ask the owner if I can play again? He’s a cool musician type and I felt slightly intimidated before, now I’m mortified by the thought of asking. But part of me wants to be like, maybe it’d be healthy to play it the way I wanted. Or do I try again first somewhere else? But honestly, before I share with anyone again, I’d just like to feel okay about what happened. How have you gotten over the disappointment of a gig you wanted to go so well, but didn’t?
Whoa! Hi everyone. That's a lot of Qs. I forgot to mention that it might be a while before I get my thoughts together in response. And it's unlikely that I'm going to be able to adequately address all worthy queries. So please feel free to talk amongst yourselves. I can say, based on some first-hand experience with some of you personally — compounded by the laws of transitive properties (along with pinch of good old-fashioned optimism) — that you all are a bunch of smart and thoughtful sweethearts. I figure there's a ton of untapped great advice waiting for a call to action. I'd hate to think something helpful might go unsaid whilst waiting around for the captain (who's quite honestly a bit of an overgrown child and more than a touch sheltered) to chime in. Please say what you have to say. Thank you OxO
Thanks, Jeff! ❤️❤️ I’ve heard life is a box of chocolates?
Pass them on to Susie the Sage! I'd love advice from her. Or her dad! 💌
That’s awesome! You are truly a gift to the world!!
I have a 16 year old kid who’s introduction to pot this summer has now morphed into self medicating for anxiety, depression, boredom. With your history of addiction and the prevalence of substance use/abuse in the music industry, what have you told your boys about substance use? Susie how did you approach it? Thank you and all your family for The Tweedy Show-it is/was a bright hour in the long days of COVID!
Not there just yet, but I fear it as well with my kids, especially in these strange times. My gut tells me maybe the focus should be on the root cause of the drug use, not just the drug use. What can you do to focus on the anxiety, depression and boredom? Focus on the root cause of the problem may help offset the substances. Perhaps start with a licensed therapist (LCSW or psychologist) for talk therapy to start with a non pharmacological approach first, and see a psychiatrist if it’s deemed necessary for prescribing an anxiolytic and/or an antidepressant. Mental Health is paramount to a growing healthy teen (and everyone else) but teens have a lot of pressures too. Hope this helps.
Hey Jeff --- when we met on Ethan Hawke's movie set at the Chelsea Hotel in NYC back in December 1999, you asked me whether or not to wear the denim jacket you showed up with, or to go with the Elvis '68 Comeback Special black leather jacket. I told you to go Elvis. But when we shot the scene in the bar that night you wore the DENIM jacket!!! Why?
Really -- I had messed up the entire encounter. This was literally the first day of the first movie I had ever worked on. And Wilco were my favourite band. I got to hang with them all: Jeff, Jay, John, and Ken. After setting up their instruments I interrupted a conversation Jeff was having with a guy and asked him to play "Red Eyed and Blue". After obliging for about 10 seconds Jeff politely informed me that he couldn't play it because he was sitting with Robert Sean Leonard and was teaching him "The Lonely 1" for the MOVIE!
As much as I love this question I think the answer is embedded within it. But I would like to hear it in Susie’s words! 😂
@Katie Kitchen … same!
😂
I've loved being a passenger on this mystical, casual starship. Thanks for the music and fun stories to brighten days. This leads me to my question: how do you avoid slipping into hopelessness/despair about the future these days? I have a 4.5 year old and a 3 month old. I look around at the state of things now, and where humanity and the environment are headed; and then I see the everyday horrors of school shootings; mistreatment of minorities, refugees, women, you name it; atrocities world wide; etc. and combine it all with so many people being unwilling to even do common sense things that help themselves and everyone...like get vaccinated; and I feel my conviction that things are headed (slowly, painfully) for better days start to rumble on an ever shakier foundation. I've never had much faith in people, but between feeling so helpless to do much about these problems, and feeling complicit in so much of it as a white American male, and feeling for the first time a real sense of dread that the future may darker than the past....how can one stay positive and optimistic in raising kids for their/our future and in looking ahead at my own prospects?
Hi Jeff and Susie. Long time listener, first time caller.
Trying to get out of a rut of cooking the same 4 or 5 things every week. Do you have either a favorite dish to prepare, or eat, or any cookbook recommendations?
How many times can I ask about a new Loose Fur album before I get banned from this flight? Alternately, how are you all managing the incredible lag time in getting vinyl produced and how can a small band and/or label even exist in this weird world?
I second the motion for more loose fur!
Me too!
Me three!
Captain, I think we should keep David on board, he's pretty cool. But he forgot to ask about a Wilco 'Fundamentals' album I think so I'm jumping in here to request one ;-)
Definitely requesting a Fundamentals box set
Glenn said somewhere that the 3rd Loose Fur record was already done. Some years ago.
I asked both Glenn and Jeff this question in separate interviews. They both said that the music for the 3rd Loose Fur album is in the can - it just needs lyrics/vocals. How likely that is….who knows.
Please tell my husband that toilet paper roll under is WRONG. Kthx.
beard not mullet.
Bea’s husband - you are wrong. 100%
That is SO wrong.
Yep! Beas husband, totally wrong!
Captain, thanks for checking in. I'm really enjoying the trip so far. What's your advice for healthy, positive fan interactions? How might one best express their gratitude for a creator's art or craft without sounding like an idiot or overstepping social bounds. Given your interactions with your fans, does it temper how you might interact with one of your idols?
I would like to know that too! I am quite sure that my letters I sent to Boxful of Letters made me sound absolutely loony! Everyone is probably like “keep me away from that chick”? I assure you, I am a fairly normal gal but with a shit ton of baggage, still looking for my “Wilco boyfriend “ (not a member of the band, duh!), uses a bunch of bad humor to get me through the day… what kinds of questions do you hate?
As someone who still deals with anxiety and depression, I'd like to ask Jeff how he's been doing with his own demons. What's been his key to keeping them at bay? Meditation? Therapy? Meds? I've found it's almost a daily struggle.
Hugs, Tony.
Breathing. I like to lay in the grass and invite the whole beautiful night sky right into my chest. That works for me. Hope you find things that work for you.
❤️ Finding movement, medication and therapy that worked for me was a life changer. It still creeps up on me though. I find the skills that mindfulness or meditation practices teach have been a big help too. I get some distance from my thoughts and am able to catch myself before I fall into an anxiety spiral. It’s been a ten year journey to get to this point and it’s been worth all of the hard work.
This is my way: Long walks, preferably in a natural setting such as the country, a park, away from traffic and noise. Daily. No less than 1/2 an hour. Do it even when you don't want to. If you can make it the same time every day, it becomes routine, like brushing your teeth, but more enjoyable! Optional: Get a dog or borrow one to go with you. 🐶 Jeff does seem to go hiking a lot so this might be part of his motivation, don't know. Good luck. (if you're lonely and don't like nature so much, walk where others are walking, where people look happy and are friendly, such as a beach, (if you have one) or a downtown street . . . but never a mall!)
Tony I found great relief in breathing exercises - real simple, expand your whole chest, starting in the lower area then feel the upper chest expand. Hold for just a second or two. Then blow it out fast. Do this 3-4 times in a row. It Always helps me!! Just a suggestion from someone who has suffered lots and found a simple natural solution.
Any advice for new parents? (“Figure it out as you go…” has already been lent.) Y’all seemed to have raised two well-adjusted and pleasant humans, so I’d love to hear some advice on the subject. 👍🏼
I was in a rehab once and dreamt I was at a music festival- I was really struggling and detoxing (in my waking life & in the dream.) I saw you and your wife (didn't know what she looked like or anything about her then, but I've been married for 35 years and was so happy to see you together.) I was looking at you both from far away and you turned around and smiled. It filled me up with hope. I woke up and the worst of the detox symptoms were gone. So thanks for that. Love this Ship and everything about it. Hope you and Susie are enjoying this as much as we are. 😌🎶💜🙏✌
Jeff ,
Why is Susie so insistent in not showing her face on the Tweedy show ? Don't get jealous but she is the quite the looker - my deceased wife god rest her soul was also very conscious of her looks but she was very beautiful to my eyes .
Your best fan - see you in Mexico
The Concorde has nothing on the Starship Casual as far as I’m concerned!
My question: my teen boy, my only child, will be leaving the nest next year. What will I miss about having him around? What do I need to soak in right now before he launches into adulthood? I know he’ll likely be back, but I bet it won’t be the same.
My daughter will be leaving next year, too. I am trying not to panic at the thought, but I'm pretty bad at not panicking. I have the same questions as JackfruitBrisket, and I'd also like to know how I'm supposed to get through this transition without becoming totally dehydrated from crying.
As a mom who’s been there (my oldest will become a college graduate in May!) I can share that if you have the good fortune to watch as your kids thrive and soar as they begin their independent lives, that will make this bittersweet milestone more sweet and less bitter. It’s pretty awesome, as well, to hear about their totally separate lives- everything they’ll share will be new to you as you won’t be living it alongside of them. It really will be okay, and probably better than okay. But I completely get how you’re feeling and will likely feel it all over again when my “baby” leaves in 6 years.
I love this so much, even if it did make me tear up! Thank you, Rachel. I remember this being a very exciting time in my life and it will be fun to relive that peripherally through him.
Totally! And I hope he’ll love to share it with you.
Jeff and Susie are lucky that their sons hang at home...but the day comes when they are totally out of there, only to visit on occasion. Our son is 31...and we see him, but he doesn't live here anymore. At all. Sometimes it makes us "hate it here." But, I wonder what the Tweedys think about those inevitable days? It is exciting to see your kids off on their own...and also terribly sad. BUT, you get to go see bands whenever you want??!?!
I would love to have mine hang around like S&S do. That’s some parenting goals right there, that these young adults seem to enjoy spending time with their folks yet are launched and living grownup lives.
Raising a big glass of water in your direction, Nichole!
jackfruitbrisket, been through it recently with both boys… no genius insight here, but between now the date of departure try to lean in to theose things that have provided the deep, meaningful connections between you. For me what I miss most is the everyday, the commonplace… finally, try to frame the separation as an additive experience - you’ll both have new experiences that add to your conversation and relationship, not as a replacement to what you’ve shared but new touchstones for the future.
This is lovely, Greg - thank you for taking the time to put it down. We have been connecting over music lately and I’ll lean into that. It’s so odd to think this time next year I won’t be tripping over his ginormous shoes left everywhere.
How many guitars ought a husband be able to buy? Also, any tips for justifying it to my wife?
My wife is pushing for what she terms “guitar parity,” wherein if I want a new guitar I have to get rid of one from my collection. I am vehemently opposed to this guitar parity concept and deem it ridiculous. That said, I’m thinking of selling my Gretsch as I have my eye on a different Gretsch. An interpersonal minefield is what it is.
Amazing. I am in the same forced agreement.
SECONDED. Also..... on a scale of "full transparency" to "oh, where did that come from?" how honest do you have to be about the number of guitars/instruments one owns?
I Love It Here :)
I absolutely LOVE rememories. Since we're near the same age and grew up in the same neck of the woods, lots of the things you remember are right in my wheelhouse.
Thank you so much for doing this- I know you're a pretty busy guy, but know that we're enjoying the cruise!
Hi Jeff & Susie - I'm really enjoying this steady stream of creativity! I'm getting married in 2 weeks and wondering if you can identify anything important to do specifically in the first year of marriage - and maybe offer a memory from your first year of marriage? Paying customer here - thanks!
Mazel tov, in advance.
Jeff, I like all of the posts but especially when you say, This is your captain speaking. Here's my question is: I've seen nearly every Wilco show in the NYC area since 1999. But I was introduced to Wilco through a boyfriend and we have since split up. How do I find a Wilco-loving boyfriend to go to shows with? Going with folks that are just not that into the band kinda sucks. I like to sing, dance, jump up and down and don't want to hold back. Susie, please advise.
I've gotten to the point where if there's a show I want to see and no one I know who is into the band, I go alone. Aspects of it kind of suck, but you can choose your own adventure and get as goofy as you want. Make friends with people up front. Stand where you want to, around who you want to. I'd love a Wilco-loving boyfriend too but it's not going to stop me from having a great experience at a show! Of course if there's a magic solution to finding him (whoever he is), I'd love to know too ;)
Remember we’re all family here. I was lonely too for a while - had no one to go to concerts with. So I went alone. A like minded coworker heard about me liking music and attending concerts and we eventually became concert buddies. It always works - the Universe/God sees you step out bravely and comes to your aid.
I agree 💯 and have gone to a few shows by myself. I always have a great time.
Count me in on the going alone gang! I often enjoy those shows more than the ones I go to with someone because I’m not busy thinking about whether the other person is enjoying it.
I know what you mean. I was at the Forest Hills, Queens show during a torrential downpour. If I had brought anyone other than a loyal fan they would have been miserable. I stayed of course and loved every minute of it. Could have done without the drenching but wouldn't have missed the show.
Q: Curious to hear about what's made Susie and your marriage last so long. As someone who is about to get married in Chicago, and as a goy about to marry a Jewish woman, I would love any and all insights.
This is a good question! I've wondered the same thing.
Clear skies and smooth sailing so far, captain.
I'd love some of that sweet, sweet wisdom if you're offering....Should I adopt one cat or two? I'm going on my third catless/petless year and I need to care for something again before all hell breaks lose in my mind. So I'm preparing to adopt again. I'm a 33 year old single dude who lives alone, and all my friends and family say that I will be "that weird cat dude" if I adopt two. I'd like to give a home to two from the same litter if possible. All of these so called "friends" and "family" have me a bit concerned. So, one or two cats?
Also can I just say, having obviously outed myself as a crazy cat person, how good it is to be among crazy Wilco people too?
It's great :)
I'll chime in and also recommend two—they'll be companions for each other and the difference in litter box maintenance is negligible. Two cats does not make one a crazy cat person. I am curious what number makes that so. Five? I live with two and I'm crazy about them!
I always recommend adopting a bonded pair of cats. Maybe even a pair who were surrendered because their owner died or went into a nursing home. The cuteness of seeing two cats snuggling on a cold day will pay dividends.
Strong believer in two! (or more!) But for real, two will keep each other company and especially if they are kittens, being together will often help decrease the crazy kitten shenanigans. Plus you get to rescue two! And clear space for two more spots in the shelter or rescue.
Also-- who cares really if you are called "that weird cat dude", just tell people they are jealous and don't know what they are missing.
Best wishes and can't wait to get a report back on here sometime later on what you decide to name your TWO kitties. :) (in seriousness, if you don't believe me check out Kitten Lady on youtube and why she advocates for adopting two at same time.)
Always get 2! They keep each other company!! The shelter we adopted ours from only adopted them in pairs. I was suspicious at first but they were totally right.
Same. I went from being a dog person, to thinking I may want to try a kitten (in addition to our two dogs) to winding up with two kittens as that’s the only way the rescue would do it. Was not a mistake.
I did have just one for a while — she didn’t like other cats but was quite dependent on my company. After she died I adopted a senior pair and they’re bonded besties!
Yes this is good! Just definitely don’t get a third 😭
Well I feel seen. 😂
Katie, too late for me!!! haha
Hahah me too
But now I kinda want three....
You been warned buddy 😂
Definitely two so they can be playmates. Added bonus is that Jeff can name your pets for you!
Omg one. I had two, my daughter wanted a kitten, and now we have three CATS. Totally questioning my life choices now.
Just make sure they are Stray Cats 😉
I would love to hear Susie's take on the current state of the music business. I have heard her talk on this in interviews, and I like her perspective on this topic. Given the success she has enjoyed, and that she oversees the "family business", I'm sure she has a lot to say worth hearing. I found it fascinating that Universal Music just went public, and the listing was a big hit based on streaming potential. What might be good for them might not be good for the artists, however. It seems that there are many "haves" and "have nots", and who better to sort it all out but Susie?
Should you take a day off work for your birthday?
Hell yeah! I totally do! My kid’s at school. I get, like, 8ish hours by myself to have a nice lunch and go somewhere cool outdoors.
YOU DESERVE IT
Mine was on Monday. I’m self employed so I did. Until about 8pm when I took a client phone call. I totally meant to take the whole day off but they called to pay me so…😄
mine was on Monday too and I did as well. Happy birthday!! :)
Happy Birthday to you, too!
I never did - in fact the opposite. I would take my team and anyone else hanging around out for lunch on my birthday.
Ooh, I love that I’ve never had to consider this. As a teacher, I’ve never had to work on my early August birthday!
I don’t have a question for you but that is one fantastic photo. It just says so much!
How do you handle all the extra-obsessive fans?
Asking for a friend ;)
Can we get some Starship Casual merch please?
How do you get your children to really listen to you? Passively and leading by example/actions or direct verbal approach? Or something else?
Just in case Jeff doesn't get to answer this, may I offer a suggestion? Absolutely lead by example. Practice listening to your kids --- hear them out, solicit their thoughts, make sure you are understanding by checking out what you are hearing and seeing if you are getting it right. Also practice listening to their other parent in front of the kids. This advice also goes for life partners, parents, neighbors, etc. We all want to feel heard and understood, but often we have a hard time being the listeners.
Always remember what it was like being a kid. What would it have taken to get you to listen?
How do you stay back-ache free throughout your long performances and tours? I’m standing in front of the stage for 2+ hours and I’m a wreck for a week afterwards.
My wife & I are having our first kid (girl) any moment now. Advice on getting to a point where we could end up playing music together like the Tweedy’s?
I have no advice, but congratulations!!!
My tray is in the uptight position, and I deeply appreciate the inflight monologues. Keep on keeping on. Also, Susie for air marshall.
I don't have a question but just wanted to say I love everything about Starship Casual and I'm so grateful for all of the great things you share. I was listening to the Tweedy Show Soundtrack Spotify playlist on shuffle today (thank you Nichole!!) and it kept serving up songs that I remembered so clearly from the Tweedy Show - who sang, what the show was like, etc. There were a lot of tears as I remembered some of the shows that you did during the toughest of times in the spring and summer of 2020 and how we all shared those moments together. I came away feeling comforted after every show. So, thank you so much for the shows and for continuing to take care of us via this blog. I REALLY miss Susie though, so I look forward to seeing some of her responses here!!
Besides frequent touring out of state, what’s the best way for couples to stay together in happy, heathy relationships?! And thrifting together doesn’t count Susie!
How do you fold a fitted sheet?
People fold those?! 😆
YouTube has tutorials that actually help! But basically, fold in each of the four sides to make straight edges, and then fold it like a flat sheet.
Tuck the corners into each other
I like that Mudcats hat
No questions. Just wanted to say that the captain is doing a pretty great job at steering this ship. It's helped fill the Tweedy Show-sized hole in my heart and more.
Why is the phrase "guilty pleasure" even a thing? Why should anyone feel guilty about things like they (assuming no harm to others or it's a criminal activity)? The phrase is usually some kind of self-cringe about personal taste, but why should anyone care about what other people think of their taste in music or art or books or anything, really? Do you think this phrase should be banned forever?
When someone admits a 'guilty pleasure', they usually say it with a smile, in a wink-wink, half-joking way. They don't really feel guilty. It's a pretend self-cringe. It says, I know this doesn't fit with who I am, or who you think I should be, but who cares, I love it anyway!
Thank you for bringing this up! I know you’re not asking me, but I would ban it forever—seems puritanical in nature.
I enjoy the way you say "this is your captain speaking." I loved the red glass object and its story. And it's my dream to run into Susie at Costco someday. Carry on.
Did y'all have a hard time adjusting when Spencer went to college? We just sent our firstborn off and I'm still a little upside-down, even though she's happy and doing great, etc etc.
Also, I'm loving your updates in my inbox, but definitely missing your whole family and those IKEA curtains.
Hi Jeff, I need a name for my new band as all the ones I’ve come up with so far are rubbish. Can you help me please?
aye, aye, Captain! (and Co-Captain Susie). Love Starship Casual and everything you've let us in on so far. Your family is beautiful.
What is your proudest parenting moment? As in, a decision you struggled with or a long-standing parenting act/rule, that had a desired outcome? As the parent of an 11 year old boy, who happens to be a newly minted middle schooler, I can use all the Susie advice (and Jeff of course...he's important, too) I can get! And what is Susie's favorite Wilco song?
I see Miracles everyday. I think I might even miss a few. Any advice on how not to miss any, anymore. Thank you
Q: This whole marriage caper…… we’ve been at it officially for 44 years officially, and 47 unofficially. I wonder sometimes are we still playing the script out of habit or loyalty or friendship or love………but neither of us have looked further afield throughout our time playing house together. He’s a keeper…. ( eg. he introduced me to the music of this guy called Jeff Tweedy who I’d never heard of before, at a concert in Brisbane a couple of years ago and enriched my life incredibly from that day forth)….definitely a keeper.
Your relationship seems inspirational……the dynamics still dynamic…….how does one do that? What’s the secret sauce?
Re The Starship:
I. Love. Every. Single. Post!
I love that you mix it up between stories and rememories and music and interviews. Travelling on this Starship is a unique experience and I feel oh so happy to be on the ride and quite privileged to be on board. Thank you Captain Jeff 🙏🌿🌟
With so much "Stuff in Your House" how do you go about finding anything? Who loses their keys more? Do you do an annual Spring Clean or Purge? Oh, and Jeff, I'd love a full version of your "Ted Lasso" theme cover. Thanks!!
And how do you deal with dust on all the stuff?
I loved the part of your book where you described Jay F. claiming you called him a "pussy" regarding some incident involving a girl. You said that word "really isn't in your repertoire".
Are there any other words or phrases that you don't consider in your repertoire?
-Jimmy
Dear Captain Jeffy, I am enjoying my flight. I am pleased with the snacks, snippets, and songs. Don't need cosmic advice at this point, but I am eager to read it allllllllllll.
Life Advice Question: Getting through the late 40s? Feedback: Love all of it. Cried listening to the acoustic Camera the other day. So pretty. Can we get more guest stars? Loved having Nils on a while back. Now give the people what they want: a sit down with Pat!
I’ve decided that moving forward I’m going to correct every instance I see of someone spelling Nels “Nils.” No offense. Also, are you *the* Tim Gunn?
Yeah, I was yet again a victim of auto-correct, not just on Nels but also Kamera. Oh well. I am not the guy who got to hang out with Heidi Klum. Sorry to disappoint.
But luckily there is a version called Camera (I don't think it's acoustic, though)! Too bad about Heidi. ;-)
I don't like it when ppl misspell Seth Rogen's name. I keep a lookout for that.
Ps Jeff remember you’re our dad now, you adopted us, right? We’re just needy, ok? Sowwy!!! (Lol)
Captain. It seems to me that as successful as you have been with your music you have been more successful with your home life. This is of course based on small observations but the love and respect comes through as easily as the music when u get a glimpse of you and your family.
I am not a musician but I am a family man with 2 kids and know how hard but also rewarding it can be. People change as do their relationships so it’s important to change with them. Do you and Susie find it is important to find that common ground that originally brought you together as well as find new platforms to explore?
I want my kids to always come home, honestly never leave. Other than being a rock star what keeps your kids coming home?
Thanks for this adventure.
Going to get lost in the mass of responses I'm sure but I'm very curious to hear your take on this: How important is stage banter to the success of a rock show? I think it's essential an artist engage with an audience between songs as well as performing them. If I go to show and an artist doesn't acknowledge the crowd in some capacity between songs then I'm left with the feeling that that show could have been performed at any venue in the world. Seeking your opinion because you're particularly adept at addressing thousands of people as if it were just 4 or 5 of his hanging in your living room.
Dear Jeffy,
When the pandemic first hit, I was an “essential worker” and my coping mechanism was songwriting. Especially after John Prine died, I felt like I desperately needed this outlet to make sense of an increasingly nonsensical world. So I wrote a ton…
Cut forward to a little over a year later…bars and clubs were reopening and I had the idea that I wanted to share a couple of songs at an open mic. I approached the owner of one of my favorite small venues that happened to host a sort of open mic format and asked him if I could play. He enthusiastically said yes and I practiced for the night.
The problem was, I woefully underestimated the condition of my guitar. I was ready. It was not. My performance was disastrous. Try as I might, my guitar would not stay in tune and my confidence plummeted.
I’ve since been back to said bar but I can’t help think about that terrible letdown of a night every time I walk in. And though I still write songs, it’s been harder to connect to the process like I did before. It felt like I tarnished something personal and pure.
So my question to you and please go ask Susie too, is how do I move forward? I’ve since gotten my guitar fixed and it sounds beautiful, but do I dare ask the owner if I can play again? He’s a cool musician type and I felt slightly intimidated before, now I’m mortified by the thought of asking. But part of me wants to be like, maybe it’d be healthy to play it the way I wanted. Or do I try again first somewhere else? But honestly, before I share with anyone again, I’d just like to feel okay about what happened. How have you gotten over the disappointment of a gig you wanted to go so well, but didn’t?
Thanks for all you do here, Jeff!